When were you born?

My folks were up for a visit this weekend, so we went to an Andy Warhol art exhibit. It was an exhibit of his political work. We enjoyed it immensely, and my daughter learned all about the assassination of JFK in 1965, three years before I was born. I told her that more than once. My parents told her all about where they were that day, and what a shock to the nation it was. Loss of innocence, I say. When my mother spoke tears came to her eyes a bit even today, about sitting in front of the TV for days and the world just stopping, our country anyway. It was all very affecting and memorable, I thought. My daughter was keenly interested.

Ok, do you have a Scholastic Children’s Dictionary? If you are parent of a curious kid like mine, or have to buy a gift for a child this $19 book is worth every dime. My daughter’s favorite part is the listings and pictures all of the Presidents of the United States; she is always looking through and telling me things. Great book buy it.

Anyway, to put these two things together: Two days after we were home from the exhibit she’s reading her favorite book and says to me, “Mom, Theodore Roosevelt was born October 27, 1858.”
“Wow, he was? That’s interesting honey.”
“Isn’t that when you were born?”
Aahhhhhhhhhhh, I think my head spun around three times on it’s own, as I was trying to turn around and look at her! Ha ha. I guess it’s close, 1968 – 1858. We’ve got to do a lot more math around here! Kids they keep you young, or turn you into a fossil...

Thinking About Wrong Turns...

My friends, both professionals, just rounded off their families in a most delightful and significant way with a little girl from Vietnam who needed a home. I think that is so amazing. My other girlfriend and her husband adopted a little girl from Korea when she was little, and she is incredible. When I get to see her I like the chance to talk to her or play with her. She is so bright, but smart enough to be a bit shy. I think I might have missed the boat in this lifetime to be able to do some thing that amazing for a person. They also are giving those children's natural families a gift (if they had families alive), the gift of knowing that these children who they couldn't take care of will have a safe environment, all of their physical and emotional needs met, love and from people who will always respect the child's culture. Sometimes the best thing you can do when you love someone is to let them go, like my mother did me. Thank you to my natural mother, whoever you are. These families saved these children from lives in an orphanage, while not the most horrible thing if they are well treated, it is definitely not the same as being raised in a loving home. My friends new little girl is becoming acclimated to her new situation and isn't ready to meet a bunch of people yet, but I can't wait to meet her.

I am writing about his because I kind of feel left out. I am a very loving person, with a humongous big heart, and I would love to be able to help another human being like that. My daughter's heart may even be bigger than my own, so she would love it too. But all choices having added up to this moment in my life, as a single mom and a teacher it is not possible. I will never be able to make that big of an impact on the world. I'm saddened by that. Believe me I think back to the two times I was engaged and took off running (literally one time), and wonder what would have happened, and how things would be different. I do not honestly feel that if I had married either one of those individuals that anything like that would have ended up being possible either.

This is not regret for what I have done, and my whole life, because if I hadn't had a "challenging" past, I wouldn't have had my daughter and I wouldn't have gone to college at 33, graduated and become a teacher (which I love). There are no other children I could imagine instead of my daughter, and there are honestly no other children I could have imagined as my students. Especially my first class of Seniors when I was a student teacher, they surely did "break me in" well. I have no regrets about my past, except for now. Now I am not in a situation where I can save the world. I want to save the world. If I could adopt a child who needed love and a family, I would hope I could march right over to Darfur and adopt a child who has lost his or her parents due to brutal government sanctioned murder and show them a different world. A world where a mother is not scared or being murdered or raped just to go and find firewood to cook for her family. A world where genocide is not allowed. Why is that still going on?

I'm sorry I can't save the world, I've made some wrong turns.

My two friends and their husbands are saving the world with what they are doing, and they humble me. I think also because they already had their own children, and chose to help a child, it is so huge and so commendable. As an adopted person, I know these children are loved just like the other children are. Surely the parents can't see their own physical features on their adopted children, but they definitely can see their mannerisms, their teaching, their conditioning, it shows - I know it does. (Sometimes I sound just like my mother!)

There is an Jewish proverb, "Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world." Thank you for saving the world from the rest of the world. And thank you for saving the world from those of us who wish we could too. Bless you and your beautiful families.

40 tomorrow!

Well this is my last day of 39, tomorrow I will be 40. I keep saying it, I can't believe it. In my mind I am only 28. I suppose I don't look 28 anymore, but that is how old I feel. This is my last post being 39. My last post of my youth. Am I going to be a grown-up tomorrow? It seems so, it seems weird. I wonder if I will wake up smarter!

No matter what you are doing tomorrow I hope you have a great day!

I know I have been a bit "poemy" lately. (Yes, that is why I became an English teacher, so I can make up words!) My Master's class is a seminar on poetry I am almost halfway through an eight week class, and I LOVE it! I wrote this birthday poem as an assignment of writing an ode or an elegy, it is kind of both! Enjoy

Ode to My Ass

Some things around here are changing,
if not around here, then surely to the rear,
some things around here are changing.

That big ol’ shadow is mine,
perhaps I should get a sign,
“low rider” or “watch out for the rear.”

My tush was a splendid thing,
“Nice ass!” the bold would say,
“I know,” I’d think and strut away.

You were high and mighty.
Smooth in spandex, rocking it at the gym,
particularly fine, when we swung out for a swim.

You always felt so right,
regal even, high, and tight.
You put up a good fight
(39 years), seems like you lost over night.

Gravity ruled
my good looks were fooled
Vanity was clearly overruled;

by physics, some property law
stating that my ass must now
drag around behind me, low and slow
while I constantly feel I am being
followed and no one is there,
butt you.

Blue Hue

I am listening to my daughter play with a friend. They have out her microphone and are pretending to be broadcasters. Funny stuff. They just switched over to be meteorologists and I here my daughter say, “Tomorrow’s weather is tricky it could rain or snow, be cloudy or sunny, or we could have no weather at all.” No weather at all I had to go down and ask her what that would look like, “A plain day with nothing in the sky except blue sky.” I like it, I think that if we had no weather at all is should definitely be a beautiful bright blue skied day.

Missing Yogi

On the second anniversary of my dear friend Yogi's death, I wanted to post the words I read at his funeral. Yogi, my rock, my friend, you are missed everyday here. We all love you.





The Rock for Yogi




You stood still, unwavering, in every storm.
Unlured by even the whippoorwill,
merely noting their melody.
As you always knew mine, unsung.

Our friendship evolved as we did,
growing stronger over time. Time changes
us all, but you remained firm - steadfast, my rock.
The rock that held us all together
starting circles of friendship we would
otherwise never have known.

Your 4th of July parties were legendary.
Sunday dinners, Thanksgivings, forever changed.
You taught me so much about cooking.
“Hey Chil, are you talking or stirring the gravy.”

While I spun dreams, you saw it all clear.
It wasn’t me, you’d state with earthly knowing,
You believed in me, ‘cause we were friends.
That’s it, no absurd declarations.

When I was down, you lifted me onto your lap,
to count blessings and draw long lists of love,
always ending with, “And Yogi loves you to.”
And like a small child, my anger and sorrow would lift,
as I sat on the rock and watched the endless fields sway,
simply through your eyes.

When others were frustrated, you laughed.
When others were serious, you saw through their fake smiles.
When I acted like an impetuous child, you’d try to be stern
with a hidden grin shining in your eyes or
rippling beneath nonjudgmental words.

The greatest lesson you taught me was that things
aren’t as important, as they seem.
“Always make hay when the sun shines.”

No big day passed without your call, no matter what.
“Hey babe, where’ve you been.”
Yog, my rock, friends ‘till the end.
I wanted to call you when you died.

No regrets, as you move on, I love you and you love me, we
always said it, we always meant it. That’s it, as true as mad bulls
are crazy, and once a year each cow has her baby.

Love and friendship are the rock that you’ve left me to stand on
in any hurricane. If it all gets to much, if I stop believing in me,
I will hear your voice in my head, you’ll make me smile
from where you are, and you’ll laugh with me.
Now what do I do when the revolution comes?

No ill winds took away the strength of your clarity, smiling
regretfully, telling me what you knew and I denied.
But my friend, this is not the end,
I close my eyes, and we fish off a rock, truck bed or dock.
I close my eyes, and ride comfy in the tractor seat big enough for two.
I close my eyes, and hear you strumming the guitar.

Do you remember when I lost my shoe, or we took that
crazy ride in the snow. This is not the end,
are you riding now? I close my eyes, I’m with you,
a piece of your heart lives on in mine.
I close my eyes and hear your sage advice.
This is not the end, because rocks, like legends, don’t end…
we are now just d i m e n s i o n a l l y challenged.
This is not the end.

Yom Kippur

I hope everyone has a good Yom Kippur! We did!

Yom Kippur
He stands annoyed in his blue uniform
his lowly task is to keep us safe as we pray.
We’re glad he’s outside.

Inside standing at his pulpit, he surveys the crowd
like a proud father.
Everyone smiles brightly,
their expressions matching the best outfits,
while silently they atone for their sins.

The father stands strong like an ancient tree,
as the willowy teen leans on his shoulder for support.

Weird Nonscientific Fact

Try this at home, weigh yourself regularly and then stand on the scale on one leg with the other one in the air and you will weight two less pounds. It not only worked for me, but it worked for my daughter too and she weighs much less! I don't know why this works because it should still be weighing the same amount of self, your foot is just in the air but it still weigh. Anyway for the record, I will be weighing myself on only one foot from now on!

For the record, I've lost five pounds. Darned if it isn't that same five I've lost twenty-five times now...

Precious Rocks

We went to a Gem and Minerals show at an arena near our home. During this time of the year they have great stuff in there, we went to a craft show too. When I peeked in to see if I really wanted to pay $4 to get in it looked like a bunch of expensive jewelry. My girl wanted to go in so I told her don’t ask me to buy anything! The show was not just expensive jewelry. It had a lot of jewelry the expensive stuff was in glass cases, but really reasonable pieces were there too. It was a great learning experience though; they had gems and minerals for up to $5,000. We couldn't buy them, but they were interesting to see, especially the geodes with the natural rock on the outside so she could see where some of these gems come from. They also had tables where they sold little stones for 50cents. She got a few stones. I wish I brought a ring I have that the stone fell out of, one guy was selling little cut and polished gems and I could have bought one to fit. Oh well. I tried to buy an inexpensive ring but alas nothing fit my big fingers; too big too small, no goldilocks just right for me. Oh well, my daughter did get to buy a beautiful bracelet of little crystals on a elastic string.

I guess she loved the gem and mineral show because below is what I found outside the next day! Kids crack me up. Crack rocks up too.

(Who knew give ‘em a hammer and some rocks and they’ll stay busy for hours!) You had to ask? Of course I bought some - Buy One Get One Free! *Where does she learn these things... hahaha

Porn in the City

Sex in the City was a wake up call for me. We can get away with some serious crap on an R rating. I’ll remember that when my child grows up. Sex in the City was actually embarrassing for me to watch. I’m glad I wasn’t out on a date watching that, I would have had to slink out of the theatre. And it wasn’t even Samantha, sex we expect from Samantha, but from Miranda? I don’t even know what to say. Sex from the random neighbors, I didn’t need to see it. It surely didn’t advance the story. The only relatable part of the movie was Samantha, eating instead of cheating until she broke up with someone she loved. That seemed real. If you haven’t seen it yet, save two hours of your life you can't get back and don’t rent it, file it under porno crap and leave it alone!